7 Essential Pieces of Advice for Couples Considering Divorce With Children’s Welfare in Mind

Navigating the complexities of divorce while prioritizing the welfare of children can be challenging. We’ve gathered seven pieces of advice from professionals such as Licensed Professional Counselors and Directors to provide guidance. From providing collaborative support for children’s well-being to considering child-centered art therapy, this article offers a range of insights to help couples make informed decisions.

  • Provide Collaborative Support for Children’s Well-being
  • Involve Children in Divorce Discussions
  • Maintain Stability, Routines, and Communication
  • Reduce Home Conflict for Children’s Welfare
  • Prioritize Thoughtfulness and Consider Mediation
  • Implement a Comprehensive Parenting Plan
  • Consider Child-Centered Art Therapy

1. Provide Collaborative Support for Children’s Well-being

I’d suggest asking, “How can we collaboratively support our children’s emotional well-being during this transition?” This question emphasizes a joint effort in navigating the complexities of divorce while considering the children’s mental and emotional health.

The focus should be on establishing clear communication channels, setting boundaries, and creating a consistent and stable environment for the kids. It’s about both parents being attuned to the children’s needs, emotions, and behaviors and responding with understanding and support.

This approach helps mitigate the potential adverse effects of divorce on children, promoting their resilience and well-being.

Bayu Prihandito, Certified Psychology Expert, Life Coach, and Founder, Life Architekture

2. Involve Children in Divorce Discussions

One of the most significant issues concerning parents considering divorce is not involving their children in conversations. Although it’s ultimately the parent’s decision, discussing the divorce with your children can help make it a little less complicated.

Their age is undoubtedly a factor, but simply leaving the home without any discussion isn’t the answer. When you explain that certain things will be different, but others will stay the same, it ensures your child knows what to expect.

The welfare of children isn’t compromised when you are truthful with them, and even looking into family counseling services can help your children through the process. As long as you are open and honest with your kids, and decide on a plan with your partner early on, then it can be a much smoother process.

Meghan Freed, Managing Co-Partner, Freed Marcroft

3. Maintain Stability, Routines, and Communication

Open communication, shielding them from conflicts, and emphasizing that the divorce isn’t their fault is crucial. Maintaining routines and stability provides security while encouraging them to express feelings fosters emotional health.

Therapy can aid in coping, and collaborative co-parenting underscores love and support. Despite changes, a unified parental front ensures their security and love, offering stability during this challenging time.

Samantha Harper, Partner, Family Divorce Lawyer

4. Reduce Home Conflict for Children’s Welfare

A famous study by psychologist Dr. Judith Wallerstein on the effects of divorce on children found that children of divorce thrive when the divorce reduces emotional distress in the home. Children tend not to fare as well when post-divorce conflict ensues.

In other words, the emotional climate in the child’s household has the most potent impact on a child. If divorcing calms down the conflicted environment, children tend to fare well. If the conflict continues post-divorce, the children suffer.

Given this research, divorcing couples with children need to resolve their relationship issues to part ways reasonably amicably. The couple will benefit by realizing that while the romantic relationship has not worked, they must do their best to co-parent cooperatively.

Terri Dimatteo, Licensed Professional Counselor, Open Door Therapy

5. Prioritize Thoughtfulness and Consider Mediation

Navigating divorce with kids in the picture requires thoughtfulness. Prioritize open communication with your spouse about the children’s well-being. Consider counseling or mediation to work through issues collaboratively.

Always reassure your children of your unwavering love, and keep their routines as consistent as possible. Remember, it’s not the divorce itself, but the conflict during the process, that can be detrimental to kids. Make decisions rooted in their best interest.

Richard Frankel, Disability Lawyer, Bross & Frankel, PA

6. Implement a Comprehensive Parenting Plan

Create a comprehensive parenting plan outlining custody arrangements, visitation schedules, and decision-making responsibilities. A well-structured plan can bring stability and reduce conflict.

A couple I helped used a shared online calendar to organize visitation schedules, which reduced misunderstandings and fights. Although flexibility is essential, having a defined plan as a baseline can help minimize disagreements.

Tim Allen, Director, Oberheiden P.C.

7. Consider Child-Centered Art Therapy

Child-centered art therapy is a remarkable approach. Speaking from personal experience, when my close friend was on the brink of divorce, they introduced this therapy to their children. Their kids, previously quiet and withdrawn, expressed themselves vibrantly through their artwork.

The colors, shapes, and stories they painted paved the way for open conversations. Their parents could gauge their feelings and fears. While every family’s journey is unique, such tools can help children cope.

Talita Moraes, CMO, Tarotoo

Quick Implementation Guide: Make It Happen Now

After absorbing all our experts’ wisdom, you might wonder, “What next?” Here’s a streamlined guide to quickly and easily implement the advice.

  • Collaborate on Child Well-being: Schedule a meeting with your spouse to discuss joint strategies.
  • Talk to the Kids: Choose an appropriate time and setting to explain changes to your children.
  • Maintain Stability: Keep to usual routines as much as possible.
  • Conflict Resolution: Commit to no arguing in front of the kids.
  • Consider Mediation: Look up local professionals and schedule an initial session.
  • Plan Parenting: Use an online shared calendar to organize and communicate parenting tasks.
  • Explore Therapy: Research child-centered art therapy providers in your area and consider a trial session.

Our Take: Keep Love at the Center

We’ve heard from the experts, and now here’s our two cents. While divorce can be a tumultuous time, it’s essential to remember why you’re doing all of this: for the well-being and happiness of your children. Our top pieces of advice:

  1. Listen: Always take the time to listen to your child’s concerns and feelings.
  2. Be Consistent: Consistency breeds comfort. Stick to your promises and commitments.
  3. Adapt: Flexibility in your plans and schedules can make this transition more accessible for everyone involved.
  4. Keep the Love Obvious: Even during a separation, remind your children daily that both parents love them.

Remember, children might not have a say in the divorce, but they’ll live with its outcomes. Every step you take should prioritize their happiness and stability.